I agree with earlier comments regarding basic content. The 'daily log' feel is a nice change of pace, and it's interesting to see a slice of Seledra 'ordinary' life. I admit there were moments where it was almost too diary like; I really wanted some conversation with Tathshandra. I'm not sure which way to go--not having an interaction with her preserves the diary aspect, but it seems unfair to leave out Tathshandra when Aribelle gets a scene. (It helps preserve the feel that we only hear Aribelle's voice and not Seledra's--this isn't a true dialog, just a reporting of what was said.)
I also concur on the matter of tense shifting, although I defer to the others' more learned comments regarding details. I also suspect this text has been revised since those comments were made.
I really like this. My remaining comments are (mostly) wiseguy reactions as I was reading it--feel free to ignore...
and I've barely tranced in the...two days it's been since we left Amalith. Where does the time go? Heh, heh...
Wear something nice and try to keep a safe distance from your drow friend, at least until your reputation has been further cemented. Dick!!
so halfling leaf is legal here..... He could probably use some halfling leaf himself [winces] Ooohh...I sense a running gag in the making here....how many 'leafheads' wander the streets of Silverymoon, questing for corn chips? [dodges rocks thrown at me]
The druids are here to direct the volunteers, to point out what is a weed and what isn't... See how tempting this could become...for...me? (Yes, I'll cop to it...)
She tossed me a vial. My initial reaction: would a woman who would greet someone with "Hello, dearie" toss someone a vial? The greeting is a sort of shorthand for "nice grandmotherly gnome lady". This is how I pictured Aribelle. I'd expect a person like that to hand someone a vial (she's lived long enough to know people sometimes don't catch what's thrown to them, and doesn't want the vial to break). Of course, maybe there's more to Aribelle than I realize--maybe she's a salt-of-the-earth type who calls people "dearie" as a sort of eccentricity; or maybe she's known Seledra long enough to know she's a very good catch.
no subject
I also concur on the matter of tense shifting, although I defer to the others' more learned comments regarding details. I also suspect this text has been revised since those comments were made.
I really like this. My remaining comments are (mostly) wiseguy reactions as I was reading it--feel free to ignore...
and I've barely tranced in the...two days it's been since we left Amalith. Where does the time go? Heh, heh...
Wear something nice and try to keep a safe distance from your drow friend, at least until your reputation has been further cemented. Dick!!
so halfling leaf is legal here..... He could probably use some halfling leaf himself [winces] Ooohh...I sense a running gag in the making here....how many 'leafheads' wander the streets of Silverymoon, questing for corn chips? [dodges rocks thrown at me]
The druids are here to direct the volunteers, to point out what is a weed and what isn't... See how tempting this could become...for...me? (Yes, I'll cop to it...)
She tossed me a vial. My initial reaction: would a woman who would greet someone with "Hello, dearie" toss someone a vial? The greeting is a sort of shorthand for "nice grandmotherly gnome lady". This is how I pictured Aribelle. I'd expect a person like that to hand someone a vial (she's lived long enough to know people sometimes don't catch what's thrown to them, and doesn't want the vial to break). Of course, maybe there's more to Aribelle than I realize--maybe she's a salt-of-the-earth type who calls people "dearie" as a sort of eccentricity; or maybe she's known Seledra long enough to know she's a very good catch.