OMFG DONG BANG FUCKING SHIN KI YOU GUISE...part 3: Save the Drama for Your Umma (Continued 2)

[butterfly_sunrider]

The first time I didn't feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!



Ahem.

It is time once again for...

Excuse me.

Wait your damn turn! If I'm not old and decrepit by the time I'm done with Dong Bang Shin Ki, I might get around to you guys, okay? Oh. and Junho?

Come back later, bb. UNF.

Anyway, as I was saying, it's time to wrap up our DBSK Banjun drama run-down so that we can then recap their "movie" Vacation before I finally set about chronicling their rise in Japan.

This one...is a doozy. Quite possibly my personal favorite of all the Banjun dramas that Dong Bang Shin Ki did is Dangerous Love. I love it like fireworks. Whoever wrote the script is a perverted genius and I salute him or her. Ostensibly it's about how Junsu and Changmin snuck out one night to play soccer and got kidnapped by a ghost. NO REALLY WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN What it's really all about is this:

That's right, bitches. YunJae. FML. Just kiss already, you two.

This is the drama that launched a thousand ships. And by a thousand I mean two YES I'M BEING DRAMATIC IDGAF THIS IS YUNJAE OKAY.

YunJae...

and JaeHo...

So, the Dong Bang boys have a photo-shoot in The Middle of Nowhere, Korea. They have to stay overnight and finish shooting in the morning. Yunho tries to get some privacy in their tour bus...

Yeah, it doesn't look any less awkward after Yunho shows Jae the YunJae fanfic he was just fapping to reading either. This is a classic example of Getting Crap Past The Radar. Despite his later protestations, Yunho is all too happy, in fact SO ESSITED to show Jae said fanfic. And then he wanders off looking for his clothes OH SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE WHY DO YOU TORMENT ME SO?

Don't act so shocked, Jae. We know that you read the lemon fics.

An antsy Junsu is dying to stretch his legs in a midnight game of soccer like some sort of sparkly vampire. He is so antsy, in fact, that when Changmin starts making excuses about not playing, he does something daring. He does something wonderful.

He threatens to make my dreams come true. Seriously. The rest of the sentence is "and post them on the internet". Do it, Junsu. Doooooo eeeeeeet.

Changmin has no choice but to call his bluff commence with the midnight soccer DAMMIT. Jae's mind starts to play tricks on him. Manager Hyung has CLEARLY BEEN REPLACED BY A POD PERSON because everyone knows that it's Changmin (and not Junsu, DAT ASS or no) who has been eating his and everyone else's food. But he's so fucking skinny! WHERE IS ALL THAT FOOD GOING?

O_o

*rubs eyes*

*pinches self*

OMFG.

So Junsu and Changmin play their soccer game that lasts like TWO SECONDS before they fall down and go boom. Despite the fact that they are professional dancers, they AREN'T VERY COORDINATED.

By this point you'd think that DBSK, their manager, and SME would have gotted used to members disappearing on a regular basis, BUT BECAUSE IT'S JUNSU EVERYONE RIGHTFULLY FREAKS THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE JFC WHO WOULD KEEP THEM IN TUNE? DON'T BELIEVE ME? LISTEN TO THE FIRST VERSE OF THIS LIVE VERSION OF BALLOONS:

Understandably, Yoochun snaps. He starts to exhibit a strange, absent-minded behavior, like PUTTING JAEJOONG'S LOLLIPOP IN HIS MOUTH WHAT THE FUCK YUNHO WILL SMACK YOU FOR THAT PIMP OR NO.

Our wayward soccer players have been kidnapped rescued by a CRAZED STALKER GHOST OMG WHAT pretty girl named Heebon who lives with her equally dead sister alone in a house even more in the middle of nowhere, and who has taken quite the obsession liking to Junsu. SHE ALSO HAS NO WAY OF REACHING THE OUTSIDE WORLD, JUNSU!

But Junsu cannot hear me. He is trapped in the impenetrable love bubble. But he also needs to turn in his Korean card because WHY THE FUCK IS HE OUT WITHOUT HIS CELL PHONE THAT THING SHOULD BE SURGICALLY ATTACHED TO HIS HAND JFC.

So Junsu swoons over Heebon, Changmin calls Junsu a whore, and Junsu retaliates by calling Changmin a bitch IT'S ALL THERE IN THE SUBTITLES OKAY. Yunho gets progressively clingy towards Jaejoong. Jaejoong is starting to believe that Yunho is in love with him DUH IT'S BECAUSE YUNJAE IS REAL OKAY.

Meanwhile BACK AT THE RANCH Heebon has been fattening MinSu up for the kill and then decides to take them out for a walk in the fresh air INSTEAD OF OH I DON'T KNOW, TAKING THEM BACK TO THE VILLA SO THAT NO ONE FILLS OUT A MISSING PERSONS REPORT. Changmin hobbles along on his crutches and shows off his special talent for cunnilingus tongue twisters SAME DIFFERENCE OKAY. Junsu has started exhibiting the symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome because he starts talking about wanting to stay in the woods FO-E-BAH with Heebon and he sings for her. Changmin mocks him. Junsu wants to be alone with Heebon for SOME LOVIN' AL FRESCO COME ON THERE IS NO OTHER REASON FOR THOSE TWO TO BE ALONE and Changmin goes back to the villa so he can gather the others and stage an intervention for Junsu NO takes pictures because he is always ready for more porn NO hobbles back to Heebon's house and catches a glimpse of what looks to be another girl in there OMG.

Changmin, ever the brains of the operation, tries to convince Junsu that THIS SHIT AIN'T RIGHT WE NEED TO BUST THE FUCK OUT OF HERE MOVE DUCKBUTT MOVE but Junsu believes that Changmin is just jealous STOP THINKING WITH YOUR LITTLE HEAD JUNSU OMG. When confronted, Heebon makes like the fucking Grinch. She thought up a lie and she thought it up quick.

Something tells me that Changmin does not buy her bullshit story, though.

So he does a little sleuthing and gets another brief glimpse of the Mystery Girl. But she seems to disappear into thin air. LITERALLY.

On the other side of the Dong Bang world, Yunho is modeling SHOCK, Yoochun is moping DOUBLE SHOCK and Jaejoong is trying in vain to avoid Yunho's sexual advances. Yoochun watches soccer and is all like "Remember when Junsu liked soccer?" And Jae is all like DUDE THAT WAS ONLY TWO DAYS AGO GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF *SLAP* But the Pimp longs for the Duckbutt and will not be consoled. THEN MORE YUNJAE FML WITH YUNHO HOLDING JAE IN HIS ARMS AND THEY'RE GAZING DEEPLY INTO EACH OTHERS' EYES OMG SOMEBODY HELP ME.

GDI I'M NOT HALLUCINATING THIS AM I?

Min has started to plot Heebon's murder and his escape, but is foiled by a flowers-bearing Junsu. Heebon, despite having a modern-looking house with all the modern conveniences SANS A FUCKING PHONE also happens to lack a washing machine. So she and Junsu make like grape-stompers until things get sudsy.

THAT JUST HAPPENED. I bet you say that to all the girls, Junsu, you whore. And you know what she does? She fucking BLOWS THE SUDS OFF HIS NOSE. Just as Junsu is about to get some, Changmin remembers what his job was in Dong Bang Shin Ki and COCKBLOCKS HIM.

Jaejoong injures himself in his efforts to get distance between himself and an increasingly affectionate Yunho. He's just playing hard to get. Besides, now Yunho has to carry him around everywhere.

Yoochun knows better than to interfere with TRUE LOVE.

After getting MOLESTED IN HIS SLEEP, Changmin finally gets Heebon to admit that someone else does live in her house. But she manages to YES LIE AGAIN OMG and say omg but my sister is cray-cray and I don't want you to leave me Junsu-hoo-hoo!!! AND THEN SHE TURNS ON THE WATERWORKS SO JUNSU WON'T GET PISSED ABOUT HER REPEATED LYING TO HIM.

Min wishing he could blow that bitch's head up WITH HIS MIND.

Min senses keep tingling. He gets up and checks the usually locked spare room and OMG THERE'S PICTURES OF DBSK EVERYWHERE IT MUST BE CASSIOPEIA HEADQUARTERS HE'S SAVED OH WAIT also bitch has a phone and a computer FUCK SHE HAS PRETTY MUCH LIED ABOUT EVERYTHING INCLUDING YES, YOUR LEG, MIN!

GET OUT OF THERE!!!

But get outta there they can't. Heebon has laid traps for them all around her property and Changmin gets entangled in one, hurting himself for real this time. The mysterious younger sister appears and tries to aid our hapless boys in their escape but they run right into Crazypants, who has apparently turned from sasaeng to anti in the space of two minutes, and smacks them both in the head and knocks them out cold OMG CASSIES WILL MURDER HER WHAT IS THIS.

Jae sleeps with the lights on so Yunho can't get the jump on him. It doesn't work. Jae tells his troubles to Chun, Yunho gets jealous and then Jae gets...flattered?

Seriously.

But Crazypants has gotten sloppy. BUT NOT AS SLOPPY AS THE LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT JFC I mean two band members of the largest money making idol group in the country have been missing for like THREE DAYS and all you've found is a shoe AND OH NOW YOU'RE GOING TO FORM A SPECIAL SEARCH-AND-RESCUE TEAM BUT NOT SEND THEM OUT INTO THE FIELD UNTIL TOMORROW FUCK RIGHT THE HELL OFF. The Pimp is all like WTF SON GET ON IT and the cop is all like I'm sorry that their lives are worth MIRRIONS OF DOLLARS BUT I HAVE TO GO ON MY COFFEE BREAK. Manager Hyung isn't helping, being all like LET'S JUST WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A DERANGED PSYCHOPATHIC GHOST. Luckily Yunho decides that the whole waiting plan sucks balls. The Pimp goes by himself to investigate the scene of the crime BECAUSE HE'S GOTTA PARPLE LIKE THAT and because he wants YunJae to have some quality time together AWWWWWW...

Back to the cabin WHOA THIS IS SOME KINKY SHIT

THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES, MY GREATEST FANTASY. CHANGMIN TIED TO A BED. And Junsu too. Unfortunately, their clothes are still on. What kind of crazed fangirl is she? So she has a Junsu bias. At least his clothes should be off. I MEAN COME ON. So it's Bomi the not-crazy sister to the rescue. YES, AGAIN. Brave Su and Min run away into the moonlit forest, leaving Bomi to deal with Crazypants alone (to be fair, Changmin kept trying to go back for her and Junsu was all like WE'RE TWO GUYS IN THE BEST SHAPE OF OUR LIVES WITH AMAZING STAMINA WE CAN'T TAKE ONE CRAZY BITCH BY OURSELVES I MEAN I MIGHT BRUISE OR SOMETHING WELL MAYBE YOU COULD, MIN, IF SHE WAS PREGNANT, O SNAP.)

Yunho puts a Ho in a Ho's place. But not hard enough.

Yunho winds up taking a nasty blow to the head so that he may save Jaejoong's pretty face. FINALLY Junsu just shoves her away. While Yunho lay on the ground bleeding from the head, Jaejoong knelt over him and I swear he looked like he wanted to kiss him.

After DBSK has been reunited (and it feels so good), the cop is all dubious about Changmin's testimony. NO ONE LIVES IN THAT FUCKING HOUSE YOU MUST BE ON DRUGS NOW LET'S DO A STRIP SEARCH OH WAIT WRONG FANTASY. This cop just seems really resistant to the idea of, you know, DOING HIS FUCKING JOB. They arrive at the dilapidated, cobweb-covered and abandoned cabin in the woods. Turns out the girls have both been dead for fifteen years SO HOW THE HELL DID HEEBON KNOW WHO DBSK WAS? HOW DID SHE FEED THEM? But it wasn't "all just a dream" because Bomi is wearing a ring in her portrait FROM FIFTEEN YEARS AGO that Changmin gave her before they escaped. Guess he'll never get that ring back now. Hope it wasn't worth too much, Min. Min will mine this dead girlfriend thing later, though, you can bet.

Meanwhile, Yunho HAS SOMETHING TO CONFESS TO JAEJOONG OMG but before he can speak, Jaejoong ALMOST GOES IN FOR A KISS BUT CHANGES HIS MIND AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT, holding Yunho in a tight embrace saying basically I KNOW YOU LOVE ME BUT IT IS A LOVE THAT CAN NEVER BE. WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS, THOUGH, RIGHT?

Yunho pushes Jaejoong away like Jae just ejaculated on his leg or something. Turns out Yunho was just sucking up to Jae because he broke his expensive camera. YEAH RIGHT. They start bickering like an old married couple. Junsu finally has to ask the obvious question.

And I'm spent. Tune in next time, when I delve into the last episode in DBSK's Banjun drama, Unforgettable Love!

Watch the whole thing here:

Watch DBSK- Dangerous Love [Eng Sub] in Entertainment  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com