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SO IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I GRACED YOUR PRESENCE WITH AN OMFG DBSK POST.
DO. YOU. KNOW. WHAT. TIME. IT IS?
I SAID, DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS??!
IT'S...
NO.
YOU'RE GETTING WARMER...
I BET Y'ALL THOUGHT I WAS GONNA PUT 2PM HERE.
IT'S TIME FOR THE OMFG DBSK IN JAPAN POST!
...
It was April, 2005. SME decided they wanted to duplicate BoA's success in Japan with their new
The result was this:
Let's just say that their anticipation of Japan's collective enthusiasm was a little...premature.
It featured lots of dancing, matching white suits, a subplot involving getting mobbed by the press and getting pwned by their doppelgangers I WISH I WAS KIDDING BUT ALAS I AM NOT, as well as backdrops of other places SME and Avex hoped the boys would conquer, like FUCKING STONEHENGE AND ARIZONA. This was perhaps a subtle warning to the Japanese that RESISTANCE TO THE HALLYU WAVE IS FUTILE.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This was Japan's reaction:
So after running they asses back to Korea to quickly make and release Hi Ya Ya...
(HERE'S A THOUGHT: WHY NOT JUST TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF? THIS IS JAPAN, THE LAND OF AnAn magazine)
...FOLLOWING ALMOST THE SAME EXACT FORMULA, THEY RELEASED SOMEBODY TO LUB:
This time around, they look like a Tempations cover band...
I bet you thought I was kidding.
...they cut the sub-plot with the press (AND THE WORLD DOMINATION) and replace it with inferences like DON'T WORRY GIRLS JAEJOONG IS TOTALLY STRAIGHT OKAY BECAUSE LEGS.
Apparently Avex was worried that the ladies might get the wrong idea about ShaJaeJae. Like YooSu shippers. DON'T KNOW WHY.
It's not a bad video. It revists the hustle they demonstrated back in the Hug days, and apart from Yoochun's awful wig...
and Changmin's monster eyebrows...
and their slightly ill-fitting, too-shiny red suits...
and the tacky-looking fake bishie sparkle in the background here...
HEY IT STARS CHANGMIN SINGING LEAD VOCALS AND THAT CAN ONLY BE A GOOD THING
Changmin: I'm number Ichi!
Japan's reaction?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again, right? Try they did. Three months later out pops My Destiny:
This one hurts the most, because DAMMIT IT'S RISING SUN. AND JAEJOONG IS FUCKIN' HIS WAY.
KIM JUNSU DISAPPROVES OF YOUR FOOD CHOICES AND THAT MAKES CHANGMIN SAD.
YUNHO WEARS A GOLD LAMé (SHUT UP I CAN'T CAPITALIZE THAT ACCENTED E OKAY) SUIT.
Buck up, son. At least you get to rap again...
AND YOOCHUN SMILES HIS SURRENDER BITCHES SMILE FFFFFFUUUUU...
I MEAN SRSLY U GUISE, THIS VIDEO WAS GOLD AND THE JAPANESE BUYING PUBLIC JUST...I MEAN...
IT SOLD LESS THAN 10,000 COPIES. IT'S THEIR WORST SELLING SINGLE TO DATE IN JAPAN. OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIME. I CAN'T. HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF JUNSU BEING SEXY.
GODDAMMIT NOT YOU. I SAID SEXY. GTFO.
DON'T JUDGE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
A group made of lesser stuff would have given up after this, but not my boys, and thankfully, not Avex. Not only were they already working on the album that would finally bring them that elusive success in Japan, Five in the Black, but they were also on the cusp of releasing their first Korean ALBUM OF THE YEAR, "O"-Jung.Ban.Hap. ALL OF THIS I'M PRETTY SURE, IN RETROSPECT WAS ONLY MADE POSSIBLE THROUGH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF DRUGS, JUDY GARLAND STYLE
UNTIL NEXT TIME...
