Other than that, it would be easier to read if the dialogue were in quotations marks rather than italicized.
I am the last person allowed to tell anyone that something is too long or dialogue-heavy. :D I really like the exchanges with Kronk and Thralia. Actually, you could cover a bit more of Seledra's day, if only because the story's very Ralenthra-heavy right now, and we could use some more of the other characters.
You might want to work "Dhavra's" specific destination in there somewhere, since it hasn't been mentioned anywhere in-story yet, either in the exchange with Darla or as an aside that you told everyone where she was going yesterday or something.
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Date: 2007-01-03 09:40 pm (UTC)From:You meant Thralia, right?
Other than that, it would be easier to read if the dialogue were in quotations marks rather than italicized.
I am the last person allowed to tell anyone that something is too long or dialogue-heavy. :D I really like the exchanges with Kronk and Thralia. Actually, you could cover a bit more of Seledra's day, if only because the story's very Ralenthra-heavy right now, and we could use some more of the other characters.
You might want to work "Dhavra's" specific destination in there somewhere, since it hasn't been mentioned anywhere in-story yet, either in the exchange with Darla or as an aside that you told everyone where she was going yesterday or something.