Lots of tense shift issues in this one, and it's jarring, so I'll point out the ones I'm catching on this first read:
"He and I will have to have a little chat about..." should be "He and I would have to..." and make that change throughout that paragraph.
Same thing in the next paragraph. "The three day long Midsummer Riversfest starts" should be "would start," with that same convention following throughout.
I can see why you would keep "It's the most difficult part of my job, to deal death" in present tense since it's a truism, but considering how problematic the following paragraph is, I'm tempted to tell you to put the whole thing in past. (Claudia, your thoughts?)
The following paragraph should all be in past: "Many of the poor cultivate their own plots" and that should be in past, along with the rest of the paragraph. For consistency's sake. Otherwise it gets too difficult to make decisions as to what should be in what tense. (This makes me relieved I use present tense with Magnos. Ha!)
Also, the meeting with Tathshandra seems an ideal place to have a little bit of a conversation, maybe about Methrammar's note? Something there that's shown rather than told to give us more information about Tathshandra and her relationship with Seledra.
We've had this discussion before, but I'm really not sure a druid all versed in naturey goodness would kill snails by stomping. I haven't googled it or anything, but I'd imagine there's a more elegant method, say cracking with a little hand spade or whatever they call those things (Claudia again?)
Love the name "Tiggywinkles." Sounds gnomish and Dickensian and full of character.
Good entry. Adds a lot of local color and shading to the character's life.
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Date: 2008-07-01 07:13 am (UTC)From:"He and I will have to have a little chat about..." should be "He and I would have to..." and make that change throughout that paragraph.
Same thing in the next paragraph. "The three day long Midsummer Riversfest starts" should be "would start," with that same convention following throughout.
I can see why you would keep "It's the most difficult part of my job, to deal death" in present tense since it's a truism, but considering how problematic the following paragraph is, I'm tempted to tell you to put the whole thing in past. (Claudia, your thoughts?)
The following paragraph should all be in past: "Many of the poor cultivate their own plots" and that should be in past, along with the rest of the paragraph. For consistency's sake. Otherwise it gets too difficult to make decisions as to what should be in what tense. (This makes me relieved I use present tense with Magnos. Ha!)
Also, the meeting with Tathshandra seems an ideal place to have a little bit of a conversation, maybe about Methrammar's note? Something there that's shown rather than told to give us more information about Tathshandra and her relationship with Seledra.
We've had this discussion before, but I'm really not sure a druid all versed in naturey goodness would kill snails by stomping. I haven't googled it or anything, but I'd imagine there's a more elegant method, say cracking with a little hand spade or whatever they call those things (Claudia again?)
Love the name "Tiggywinkles." Sounds gnomish and Dickensian and full of character.
Good entry. Adds a lot of local color and shading to the character's life.