OMFG DONG BANG FUCKING SHIN KI YOU GUISE...part 5: DIE STYLIST NOONAS DIE

[butterfly_sunrider]

Rumors of my slackery have been exaggerated. Hell, at the rate I'm going, you may yet get one more issue out of me this year. OMFG DBSK IS QUARTERLY.

I know this is a SHOCK coming from a Leo, but enough about me. I know what you're here for...

No.

Yes.

Um...

Good lord.

EXCUSE ME. BE BACK IN A MOMENT.

ALL RIGHT NOW WHERE WERE WE? OH, YES.

SHIN KI ROLL CALL

KIM JAEJOONG

JUNG YUNHO

PARK YOOCHUN

KIM JUNSU

and SHIM CHANGMIN

It is very important that you remember them like this. SEXY, FABULOUS, AND GORGEOUS.

This shouldn't come as a shock to the people who read my last post, but yes, there was an ENTIRE ERA where Stylist Noonas ran amok like outlaws in the Old West, and that was THE THIRD ALBUM ERA.

O-正.反.合. ("O"-Thesis.Antithesis.Synthesis)

SIT THE FUCK DOWN, BECAUSE THIS IS SOME HEAVY SHIT. BEHOLD:

Imma let peropero_0 do the heavy lifting on this one, because Leos are not only glory hounds but they are also LAZY AS FUCK.

Where "Rising Sun" was a personal revolution of sorts, but exploring the same concept of THE HEGELIAN DIALECTIC, "O" was the socially conscious, politically charged version turned outward at the world BECAUSE THE WRITER OUR BOYS ARE SMART AND KNOW THAT THE PERSONAL IS THE POLITICAL YES I KNOW THE SAME WRITER ALSO WROTE TRI-ANGLE SHUT UP.

As I said in the prevous entry, Yoochun looks like

I'm surprised SME didn't smell the potential moneymaking opportunities for this. I mean if the Americans can do a shot-for-shot remake of Oldboy, why can't the Koreans do a shot-for-shot remake of Pirates of the Carribbean?

WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL TALKING ABOUT PIRATES, GOD DAMMIT?

ANYWAY, DBSK got to do some traveling for this video (EXCEPT FOR JUNSU WOMP WOMP)

Yunho AND HIS FABULOUS SCARF went to Japan (been there, done that - WHICH IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY HE LOOKS SAD).

The YooMin Swirling Vortex of Doom(TM) went to:

PRAGUE, BITCH.

(They all eventually made their way to Prague and an exquisite photobook came out of it GO LOOK AT THE SHINIES NAO. They look bored and tired as fuck BUT SO PRETTY.)

Cloud Jaejoong went to Thailand (THE OTHER REASON WHY YUNHO IS SAD - THREE WORDS: BANGKOK SEX SHOW)

SME was too cheap for the John Woo dove effect, so they used the non-union, Mexican equivalent.

THIS IS JUNSU'S "I'M BEING CHEATED" FACE. IT IS A SAD FACE.

당신은 날 놀리는 거냐?

Globalization, Fast-Paced Modern Living, Does Jae Have Enough Hair Gel, Global Warming, 9/11, Religious Extremism, The Devastation of War, Shock & Awe, Terrorism, The Stylist Noonas Forgot to Brush Yunho's Hair Out, How it is Up to the Younger Generation to Heal the World, THEY ARE SINGING ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER, PEOPLE. THIS IS NOT YOUR AVERAGE BOY BAND.

DAMN RIGHT.

So, despite their album cover of FAIL, "O" managed to firmly establish a serious, socially conscious, badass image for TVXQ. An image that was then totally and permanently ruined by this:

This is the video all Cassiopeia dread to show the noobie fangirls, praying to the KPop Gods (DBSK) that Balloons is not the first video they see, accidentally on Youtube. It's...an acquired taste.

Noobie: "Are they Furries?"

Cassie: "Um, no."

Noobie: "Why are they dressed like stuffed animals?"

Cassie: "It's probably because of something Yoochun did. Or it was to torture Changmin."

내가 빌어 먹을 죽일거야!

Then there's the cutesyness.

안돼! 하나가 될 수 있습니다!

Noobie: "I think I have diabetes now."

Cassie: "It's supposed to convey childlike innocence."

Noobie: "...Aren't they supposed to be sex symbols?"

Cassie: "...Yes."

Noobie: *runs screaming from the room*

And of course, the casual violence and attention whoring.

Noobie: "Why is the Reindeer beating up the Bunny?"

Cassie: "Because he's Changmin."

Noobie: "The blonde one really likes to be the center of attention."

Cassie: "That's because he's Jaejoong."

사이드 suplex로 심 카운터듯한! 하나님!

Noobie: "Why did the Tiger just put the Reindeer in a headlock?"

Cassie: "Because Changmin had it coming."

INDEED THERE IS A DEFINITE UNDERCURRENT OF OUTRIGHT HOSTILITY IN A SONG OSTENSIBLY ABOUT PEOPLE GROWING UP AND FORGETTING THE INNOCENT DREAMS OF THEIR CHILDHOOD.

내 얼굴 밖으로 씨발하세요.

I WOULD BE REMISS IN MY DUTIES AS MISTRESS OF CEREMONIES IF I LEFT THINGS LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T I? BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SME DID. TWO SINGLES. TWO FUCKING SINGLES. And it was "Back to Japan with you, go spread the Hallyu wave and make some goddamn sales this time." But I LOVE YOU AND WON'T PLAY YOU LIKE THAT. Here's some performances from the rest of the album (which is actually pretty good, despite the accompanying artwork):

You're My Miracle

It's kind of weird to see them standing still so much, but honestly I think it's because THEY'RE FUCKING EXHAUSTED.

Hey! Girl

Try to ignore Changmin's terrible cornrows. JUNSU IS HAVING THE HARDEST FUCKING TIME STAYING IN HIS SEAT OMFG.

Get Me Some

Ugh. 260p. But the choreography, including Junsu's signature leaping kick is awesome. Also they pretty much sum up every fangirls' reaction to every photospread of them ever: "I wanna get me some of that."

I'll Be There

It freaks me out that they spend so much of the song out of Official Position. Still, an underrated, understated and beautiful classic, best enjoyed as a live performance, if only so you can marvel at their amazing live singing.

Remember

Anyone else think the long white satin jackets/mesh fingerless gloves combo look a little weird? Also, I'D BE FREAKING THE FUCK OUT IF I HAD TO SING ON THAT BIG SPINNING SIDEWALK BUT CHANGMIN STILL SINGS THE FUCK OUT OF THAT HIGH NOTE.

Phantom

For once, the Dong Bang boys are wearing black and their ninja back-up dancers are wearing the lighter colors. It's an interesting change of pace.

You Only Love

Did the composer really mean "You're the only love?" I know that articles can be an issue, but damn that's some srs engrish. Pretty if you can block that out.

DID YOU KNOW THIS WON THE GODDAMN ALBUM OF THE YEAR? YEAH. NOW YOU DO. EVEN THE STYLIST NOONAS CAN'T FUCK WITH MUSICAL PERFECTION OMGSUN.

All right, I opened with the sexy gifs, now I'm gonna close with them. Say "Hi" to Dr. Hitachi for me, a'ight?

NOW IT'S TIME

TO SAY GOODBYE

TO ALL OUR COMPANY

T-O-H

O-S-H

I-N-K-I SHUT UP I KNOW IT DOESN'T FIT

P.S. YunJae is REAL.

P.P.S Next time we hop back to Japan to talk about the T album.

P.P.P.S:

Comments

[iblis-kukl.livejournal.com]

Where the bleedin' blue HELL have you been lady??

(Granted, most of LiveJournal seems to have flown the coop by now, but just the same....)

eliazar

[dandycat.livejournal.com]

I'm still here from time to time, but it's mostly to post my DBSK stuff and fics. How are YOU doing?

*fistbumps*

[iblis-kukl.livejournal.com]

Reasonably good, mostly over on the Face these days.

And, speaking of The Kirk, et al:

http://imgur.com/a/caYim

eliazar

[dandycat.livejournal.com]

That is amazing and also awesome.

I too am on this Face of which you speak. Why don't you link me? :D

[onthethruway01.livejournal.com]

Oh I read this; maybe I left a comment on twitter or tumblr. Awesome as always. yeah LJ is pretty dead. I just post my fan fics here.